


memoirs for the heart

by jjokkiri



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION
Genre: Epistolary, Established Relationship, Letters as Journal Entries, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Parallel Universes, Time Travel, Unconventional Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21995074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: Flowers left to wilt on an abandoned desk thinly coated with a layer of dust; an old pen left lying on an open notebook telling an unfinished story. Wooseok reinstates his time-travelling license.
Relationships: Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Lee Jinhyuk
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	memoirs for the heart

_27 October 2019  
Time: 09:10 PM, First Axis_

> My dearest Jinhyuk,
> 
> A lot has happened since the last time I saw you. Not a lot has really changed, though.
> 
> When it rains, I still think about you. When it rains, I think about how you always stood by the window in our apartment and stared out at the rain with a cup of hot chocolate in your hands. You would stare out the window onto the streets with your eyebrows furrowed and your lips pursed into a frown until I would come to wrap my arms around you and ask you, _‘what’s on your mind, my love?’_ The answer was always the same every time but I still made sure to ask you. You always stopped writing when it was raining because you hated the way the pattern of the rain made it hard for you to focus.
> 
> I moved the succulents in our room to the big window. They look happier in the sunlight. These days, it’s a little hard to find happiness in little things. They make me think of you, too—early mornings when you would get out of bed early to water the plants and talk to them quietly. I tried to do it, too. I tried to talk to them without feeling ridiculous. I guess you were right. It makes you feel a little better to talk about what bothers you, even if you aren’t talking to a real person.
> 
> Jinhyuk, I reinstated my time-travelling license. The _Time Conference_ upgraded the licenses that they issue in the past few years. My name is written in gold across the bottom of the card. They never had the money to do that kind of stuff eight years ago. It reminds me a bit of the wedding invitations you were so insistent on. It feels like I’m carrying a piece of you with me everywhere I go, now… because other than on our wedding invitations, I’ve never seen my name written in gold.
> 
> Jinhyuk, I know I promised you that I wouldn’t ever reinstate my time-travelling license but I miss you. I’ve never felt so lonely on my birthday. It’s raining outside and I can’t get my mind off you.
> 
> Forgive me, my love. I just wanted to see you.
> 
> With love,  
>  Wooseok

* * *

_30 October 1999  
Time: 3:25 PM, First Axis_

> Jinhyuk,
> 
> I went back to when we first met. I saw us as children, running around the park laughing. We were happier back then, weren’t we? I wonder when everything started to feel so empty. Whenever it was, I don’t want to look for it. You always told me that ignorance was bliss. I’ll believe you this time.
> 
> Eight years is a long time for someone who moved through time all his life before the love of his life told him to stop. I forgot that no one could see me when I travel back in time within the Axis. I’m writing this while sitting on the park bench, watching a smaller version of you and me run through the grass.
> 
> Maybe you really are right. Ignorance is bliss.
> 
> I wouldn’t know how to explain to three-year-old Jinhyuk that I’m the future version of the little boy he’s chasing around the plastic slide. I wouldn’t know how to tell him that the little boy he’s chasing grows up to be madly in love with him.
> 
> And maybe, that’s for the better.
> 
> Love,  
>  Wooseok
> 
> P.S. You fell when you ran away and scraped your knee. You never told me. You didn’t even cry. You said that the injury was from days ago. I was too stupid to know the difference. I guess it took me twenty years to learn the difference.

* * *

_6 June 2021  
Time: 12:50 PM, Third Parallel_

> My love,
> 
> Are you kind in every parallel?
> 
> Are you the same man I fell in love with, in every single universe? Because, Jinhyuk, I would stay in the Third for the rest of my life if I could. If I could make this version of you fall in love with me, I wouldn’t want to go back to the Axis. I would break every law of time to be with you in this parallel.
> 
> I got tired of going back to the Axis, Jinhyuk. I got tired of seeing you everywhere and being unable to hear your voice. I got tired of being unable to be the one who made you smile. You couldn’t see me.
> 
> I came here.
> 
> You own a flower shop in the Third. You’re twenty-seven and you still have the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone. Your best feature has always been your bright smile. Everything about you is always good. Hearing your voice and seeing your smile was the best thing to ever happen to me. I miss having you with me on the Axis. It’s tempting to stay here forever but you’re waiting for me back at home.
> 
> You told me that I looked sad when I entered the shop. You offered me a flower. Your smile was brighter than the sunflower you offered me. I left the shop with a sunflower in my hands, happier than I was when I decided to shift to the Third this morning.
> 
> Do you remember the only time you bought me flowers? I might find you there, next.
> 
> I’ll still love you the most,  
>  Wooseok
> 
> P.S. I left the sunflower on your desk. I brought it back to the Axis with me. I wonder how long it’ll take for a flower from a parallel future to wilt.

* * *

_27 October 2015  
Time: 02:18 AM, First Axis_

> Jinhyuk, my love,
> 
> I missed you again today. It has only been a couple of weeks since I reinstated my time-travelling license but I keep shifting whenever I feel like I miss you too much. I miss you every day, Jinhyuk.
> 
> I went back to when you proposed to me on my birthday.
> 
> I remember this day vividly but it’s different when I get to see it all over again, you know? You told me that you weren’t hiding anything when I came home from work that day. Five years later, I guess I finally found out that you spent half an hour trying to shove a bouquet of pink and white flowers into the closet and forgot to give them to me when you proposed.
> 
> I watched myself smile at you. I watched myself kiss you and laugh with you. Jinhyuk, I was never happier than the moment we said we would spend the rest of our lives together.
> 
> I would stay here forever if I could but time continues to move even if I stay here—lingering where you can’t see me. We’ve always been told that we shouldn’t stay in the past for too long. I guess attachment was only a scratch of the surface. Hey, though, we still don’t know what happens if someone travels back in time and the past catches up to the present… maybe I would stay here to find out. For the textbook archives and to be with you.
> 
> I know you wouldn’t like that idea, though.
> 
> I came home. Our apartment is empty without you.
> 
> I miss you,  
>  Wooseok

* * *

_19 July 2019  
Time: 11:55 PM, Tenth Parallel _

> Jinhyuk,
> 
> You’ve always hated it when I travelled across the parallels because I always came back exhausted and I slept for days. I guess that was why you always told me to suspend my time-travelling license. It really took a toll on my health in the past, didn’t it? You didn’t want to see that. I listened to you because I didn’t want you to see me like that. But I don’t have much to look forward to when I come back to the Axis, now. You wouldn’t be mad if I told you that I let my curiosity get the better of me, right? I went to a different parallel today. I came back safely, Jinhyuk. I’m a little tired but… I managed to stay awake long enough to write you a letter this time.
> 
> I saw you in this life too, my love. I saw you on the Tenth. We existed here together but we didn’t look happy. You were crying. We both were. There were so many people around us. We were standing together on a stage but why were you crying? Aren’t we together?
> 
> You cried when I told you that I loved you. You mouthed it back and I cried harder.
> 
> Are we destined to be hurt in every life?
> 
> I left before I knew what happened to me. To you. To us.
> 
> With love in a heavy heart,  
>  Wooseok

* * *

_14 February 2020  
Time: 12:01 AM, First Axis_

> Jinhyuk,
> 
> I’ve spent a lot of time away from the Axis, these days. I keep going back to the Third. You give me a new flower every time you see me. You tell me the meaning of the flower and tell me you think I look happier every time I visit. You told me that you were happy for me, today. You gave me a rose.
> 
> Time must run differently on the other parallels. You always tell me that it’s been months since you last saw me but you still recognize me. You still greet me with the same smile.
> 
> Do you remember when you wrote me a love letter in high school, shoved it in my locker with a rose and asked me to be your Valentine for the rest of our lives? I still am. I always will be yours, Jinhyuk.
> 
> I love you more than anything,  
>  Wooseok

* * *

_13 April 2000  
Time: 07:21 AM, Seventh Parallel _

> Jinhyuk,
> 
> In this parallel, you’re in love with a man named Seungwoo. He isn’t me but in this life, you don’t know who I am. If you did, I wonder if it would be different.
> 
> He’s wonderful and kind, just like you. He has a kind smile and he’s taller than you. He loves you, purely and sincerely. He looks at you with the gentlest eyes and I trust him to take care of you in this life. He’ll do a better job than I did.
> 
> I used to think that you were mine no matter which parallels we existed on. I guess you were only meant to be mine in our timeline.
> 
> I should go home to you now,  
>  Wooseok

* * *

_8 June 2022  
Time: 12:24 PM, Third Parallel _

The windchime above the door jingled when the door to the flower shop opened. The florist inside the shop looked up from the succulent he was tending to. A familiar smile immediately danced across his lips and he placed the small potted succulent down onto the counter.

“Wooseok,” he greeted with a smile. “It’s very nice to see you.”

Wooseok nodded his head, mirroring the smile, “It’s very lovely to see you too, Jinhyuk.”

“How can I help you today?” Jinhyuk’s eyes glimmered brightly as he looked at Wooseok.

The time-traveller clasped his hands behind his back. He took a breath, “I’m going to visit someone who means the world to me. Do you have anything that I could bring them?”

Jinhyuk looked thoughtful.

“Your lover?” he asked, curiously. Wooseok nodded with a small smile. Jinhyuk clasped his hands together and nodded his head, “I have something beautiful for you to bring to them!”

The florist quickly disappeared from behind the counter. Wooseok waited for him.

He came back with a bouquet of pretty flowers in his arms; white and pink. The bouquet was tied together with a dark blue ribbon. Wooseok’s heart clenched at the familiarity of the arrangement. It seemed that they were the same in every parallel. Wooseok took a breath.

“I’m sure they’ll love this,” Jinhyuk told him with a smile.

“I’m sure he will,” Wooseok answered. Jinhyuk looked pleased with his response.

“Would you like it wrapped in paper, too?”

Wooseok nodded his head.

And as Jinhyuk busied himself with preparing the bouquet of flowers, Wooseok glanced at the pocket watch in his hands. He studied the gold trimming on the watch and the way the hands had already stopped ticking on it. And he remembers, _white cards with gold lettering, white flowers wrapped with dark blue ribbons, and the racing of his heart when Jinhyuk stepped up next to him at the altar._

“Jinhyuk,” Wooseok paused in his steps and turned his head, “May I have a rose, too?”

The florist blinked at him. “Of course. What colour?”

Wooseok pressed his lips together into a thin line. He replied, quietly, “Blue.”

(When he left, he left the blue rose on the florist’s desk on top of an open notebook.)

* * *

_8 June 2022  
Time: 01:17 PM, First Axis _

The pathway to Jinhyuk was a narrow passage; a stone pathway leading to where the sunlight shone brightest through the leaves at the height of noon. It was a familiar passage that Wooseok didn’t like to walk. Walking down the stone path was always a cruel reminder that Jinhyuk wasn’t by his side anymore.

With time, pain healed. With time, Wooseok found himself going back to the most precious moments he spent with Jinhyuk. With time, he learned to accept that there would be another time, another place, where they could be together. _Somewhere in the infinite parallels._

“Hi, love,” Wooseok kneeled down on the grass next to the slab of stone set in the ground. “I brought you flowers, my love. I got them from _you_ in… in the Third.”

A sigh, “I’ve been a coward. I haven’t been coming to see you, Jinhyuk. I didn’t want to accept that you weren’t coming back to me in this life.”

Wooseok’s fingers slowly traced the stone. He rested the flowers on the top of the stone.

“It finally stopped raining so I came to see you,” he whispered. “I miss you.”

The gold ring on his finger glinted under the sunlight as he moved to pull a small box hidden underneath his jacket.

“This is for you, baby,” he said, softly.

He placed the small box of envelopes next to the flowers on the stone, “I’ve been writing you letters since you left. You always liked writing and… I think I get it, now. I’ll never get answers to these but… I hope they find their way to you, someday.”

His lips curved into a small, sad smile.

“I love you. I always will.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/yuseokki) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jjokkiri) ♡  
> i have had this hidden in my drafts for a very long time. i don't know what i'm doing but here we are! i figured i wanted to attempt a writing style i haven't used in eight (8) years. i think i am relatively satisfied with the result? anyway, thank you for reading! ^^


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